I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
