Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
