Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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