After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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