whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She bit a glass in half.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
