we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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