and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
