my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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