I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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