dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
