she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize