In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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