you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i've created a new STD.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
