Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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