I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
