Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
