He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
