I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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