saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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