Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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