Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
