Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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