wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
