chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
