homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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