just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
