You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
