Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
