but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
