you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i think my cat just said my name.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
