I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
