I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
