I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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