The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
