do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
