Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
