I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
