so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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