I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
