I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
