Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
