Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
