I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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