if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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