Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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