I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
