Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
