Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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