It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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