My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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