I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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