ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
