You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
