the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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