Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
