Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
