Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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