Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
