I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
