Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
