Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
