Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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