im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
