My friends, they love my intelligence
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's the barista slut.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
