I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
