this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
