I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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