I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
