We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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