the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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